Hugh Michael just minutes after birth.
Shouldn’t babies come with some kind of instructions?
Lots of products come with warnings attached to protect kids from hapless dads:
A baby stroller label warns, “Remove child before folding.”
A digital thermometer warns, “Once used rectally, the thermometer should not be used orally.”
Let me get this straight. We have to be warned about removing a child from a baby stroller before packing it away, but God decides NOT to slap a warning label on the rear end of a newborn upon arrival?
In fact, the only real instruction I ever received about caring for a child came three hours after our son’s birth. Our newborn had been checked-out and cleared for life by a team of professionals brought in for the occasion.
Apparently it takes what seems like 20 people to deliver a child. But then, as soon as he is out and declared healthy, they are gone.
There we were, my wife and I, and our hours-old son. The lights were turned down low. My wife was in a mystic mix of physical pain and loving adoration. I was in sweat-pouring fear. Our newborn was swaddled and asleep in the hospital room bassinette.
It was then that our nurse gave me the only instruction I would ever receive from a professional.
“If the baby cries in the middle of the night, just shake the bassinette … he’ll go back to sleep,” she said.
That’s it? Shake the basinet? Not really the words of wisdom I was hoping for, and besides I thought shaking babies was illegal in most states.
I guess that was the useless warning label I was stuck with. As for actually operating this newly acquired piece of living, breathing equipment, we were on our own.
Four years and two kids later, I’ve learned that most areas of fatherhood require instruction, but only trial and error is available. No, you can’t warm baby milk in the microwave. Yes, it is safe to put a hiccupping baby in a crib to sleep. And I still have no idea how to make the perfect ponytail, but I’m trying! It’s these and other challenges and great moments that this blog is all about.
Is there a moment during your life as a dad for which you’d like to have instructions? Let me hear from you!
